I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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