You know, be my cock's hype man.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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