after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
