I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
