i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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