Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Randomize
