direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
