I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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