i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My life is pants optional.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
