My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Randomize
