Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize