My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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