So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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