we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
