singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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