Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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