well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
