dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
