My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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