We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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