i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
