I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
