i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Im part way to drunk.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
