thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
