Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
