Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize