You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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