I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
