one two three fourrrrnication!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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