If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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