I love watching others lives come down to our level.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
