does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
