First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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