How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
