Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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