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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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