I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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