She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
