whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
