I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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