I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
