How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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