If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
