my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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