I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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