So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
