i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
