Having a random hookup so left but love u
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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