So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize