You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
