things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I can text with my tongue
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
