ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
