I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
