I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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