I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We don't watch enough power rangers
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
