life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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