O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
