Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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