Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
