i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
