So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
