franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
