i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize