Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Randomize
