I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
