that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
